Pain

I wonder if there will ever be a day that I don't think about Michaels heart attack? Feel the pain that I felt those days. The terror of losing my soul mate. Sometimes it's so hard to breathe, like right now. I have to keep it all in because I don't want to tell him, for fear of upsetting him. I have to keep the tears to myself because of the kids. There are moments like right now that I just want to scream and cry because I think that it will take some of the pain away. I can't stand the thought of waking up alone. Not having someone to talk to that understands me. Someone to make me smile when nothing else will. Someone to hold me when I am feeling alone. Go outside and just sit because that makes me happy. Will this ever get any better?