Yes or no?

Thinking about blogging again...

Pain

I wonder if there will ever be a day that I don't think about Michaels heart attack? Feel the pain that I felt those days. The terror of losing my soul mate. Sometimes it's so hard to breathe, like right now. I have to keep it all in because I don't want to tell him, for fear of upsetting him. I have to keep the tears to myself because of the kids. There are moments like right now that I just want to scream and cry because I think that it will take some of the pain away. I can't stand the thought of waking up alone. Not having someone to talk to that understands me. Someone to make me smile when nothing else will. Someone to hold me when I am feeling alone. Go outside and just sit because that makes me happy. Will this ever get any better?

Worry no more!

I'm sitting on my couch, my babies are asleep, my house is cozy and warm, food in my kitchen, wood waiting for the fireplace, and no worries. I mean sure, there are things that I could be worried over. But, I have learned that it only hurts myself and my family if I allow worries to invade me. Now, I'm not talking about things that are out of the ordinary, such as when Abraham had his surgery. I am human and a mommy so of course I am going to worry over things. I am talking about worrying about the state of the world, our countries economy, etc. Things that are out of my control. I guess even to the point of I refuse to worry about if Michael ends up losing his job. We have been married for 15 years now and have been blessed for many more. When we, as the woman of the house, allow ourselves to worry, we cause inner turmoil. As much as we may try to hide it, eventually, worry has its way of creeping out of us into other things. Our kids pick up on our moods more than we realize, no matter what their ages are. So,we are creating a future generation of worriers. If we worry too much, it will cause marital strife because alot of men don't worry about things the same way that us women do. I used to believe that they were just ridiculous by being that way. Over the years though, I have come to realize that me worrying more does nothing to help the situation. There is only one thing that will help us. Talking about it. Now, there are times that you want to talk to your husband, or maybe even a girlfriend. I have done that many times myself. If we would just talk to the Lord about it, and leave our worries at his feet, can you imagine how much better we would be? Not only would it relieve our hearts and minds, but it would also strengthen our relationship with our Lord. So, the next time that troubles have you down, sit down and have a good long talk with someone who listens to us and understands us better than we understand ourselves. It may just work!

Updates

Ok, first I would like to thank you for your comment on my last post C. The teacher never said anything and it was just dropped. Alyssa is a popular kid, but there are a few kids she cannot get along with. I guess that she just finally had her fill of it and stood up for herself. I am so proud of her for doing so and made sure she knew it. Thank you for giving me your opinion, sometimes it is nice to hear other moms thoughts on things!

I have been sick for a few days and went to the doctor. While I was there, I finally told her about other problems that have been going on and I have quite a few tests coming up. They took 6 vials of blood while I was there. I will just trust that it will all turn out ok and try not to worry.

Abraham will finally be going to school tomorrow! We have a ton of makeup wowork to get done today, so I am dreading that. I'm hoping that getting his tonsils out will help his overall health. We shall see.

That is about all for now so until next time, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!

Your honest opinion.

I have a question for you. I will tell you what happened and then you can tell me your honest opinion. No holding back. Alyssa is a person that does her own thing. She likes what she likes, she likes who she likes and she doesn't follow the fads. She doesn't let other people dictate what she does. I am thrilled that she is this way. This child of mine will stand up to anyone and argue her points to no end. If she believes in something you won't get her to change her mind. She is a strong young lady and I am very proud of her. With all of that being said, she also tries to not argue with other people. If she knows that you have a different opinion than she does, she will just not discuss that issue with you. One of the things that bothers me is if kids at school say stuff to bother her, she will usually just let it go and chalk it up to their ignorance. A good example of this is the election of our current president. She watched more of the debates than I did, she did research on her own without anyone telling her to, and she came to a decision on her own that she liked President Obama. We have never made our kids choose certain things because that is how we feel about them. My child was made fun of at school, in class, in front of the teacher and not a word was said to stop it. I let it go. She has been made fun of all year because she likes Michael Jacksons music. Today was the final straw. She has a bag that has a picture of MJ on it and one of the girls was hiding her face saying that it scared her. She also told Alyssa to turn the bag away from her. Alyssa snapped and stood up in class and made an announcement that she liked him, that he was a human being and if people didn't like it then just shut up and leave her alone. Then, she told everyone that she would punch them in the face if they said anything else to her. She said that her teacher got onto the class for picking on her and told her she was sure she didn't mean that she would punch anyone. Alyssa told her no she wouldn't do it but she was angry. We told her that she isn't in trouble with us but here is the question. She has an 8th grade trip to Disney World coming up and she could possibly lose it, depending on what the teacher does. Do I fight for her right to go, or tell her that she has to suffer the consequences? Tell me your honest opinion on this please. No hurt feelings I promise.

A day in the life...

I was reading some other blogs and realized that I am a more laid back kind of wife. When Michael is off of work, there isn't a schedule to be followed. If it is on a day that the kids are at school then when the kids gets home, they do homework first, then we have dinner, they bathe, then a few hours to be lazy. On days that Michael works and the kids have school, I take them to school, come home and lay back down for a bit, get up, clean for a while, deal with the above mentioned things once school is over, then finish cleaning and it is time to get the kids in the bed. I usually try to have them lay down around 9pm but Abraham doesn't go to sleep until around 11pm. I don't have certain days to do laundry, I just do it when it needs done. My house is clean but not perfect. Even if I didn't have kids, it wouldn't be a perfectly neat house because I'm not that kind of woman. I guess that I should try to be more like that because I don't have a job outside the home. I think that I will try that for a while and see how it pans out. We shall see...

Throwback...

The day started off fairly well. I got to sleep until 11am, then made a quick trip to town to pick up Alyssa a new pair of headphones for her Ipod. Goodness knows what that child would do if she had to go without her Ipod and her cell phone. I would love to throw her back in time to when I was her age. What a funny thing to see! I can just hear her now, MOM there is nothing to do! Let's see, when I was her age I didn't have a house phone, she has a house phone and her own cell phone. I had a tv but had to get up to change the channels on the cable box and only got about 20 channels, she has a remote controlled tv with a vcr and dvd player. I had never heard of dvds. She has a stereo, I had a boombox, remember those? She has so many clothes that it is shameful, needless to say, I didn't. She has a DSI and I remember my first Atari which I got several years after they came out. She gets her hair cut, colored, streaked pink, pretty much anything she wants, whereas when I went to get my hair done, my mom told them how to cut it. I looked like a boy until I was out of school. Yeah boy, I would love to throw her back to my place in time.

Catch up

Let's see. Since June 2009 my husband had a massive heart attack that resulted in a quadruple bypass, my nephew passed away from complications due to leukemia, my cousin overdosed and came close to death, Abraham had to have his tonsils and adenoids removed this past Thursday, Michaels job did another round of layoffs and cutback which resulted in a huge paycut for us, and I am positive that I am forgetting something. The reason that I am telling you all of this is because I need to admit that I am a weak person. A few times during all of this, I thought what else is God going to put on me,I thought that I possibly couldn't take anymore. Then I started thinking and praying. I finally stopped being selfish and whining like my soon to be 14 yr old daughter. God give me strength. Sometimes things happen that we don't understand and there are times that we all have our moments of weakness but we have to realize that God is there leading the way through all of it. He doesn't abandon us, that is just our moment of weakness coming through. God will get us through anything. What helps me is to have a group of people that I can call on to pray for me. Yes, I mean pray for me because there are times that I can't find the words or I am praying for what I want and I know that these people will pray for Gods will and for him to give me the strength that I need. So, even though we have our weak moments, don't ever forget that we aren't alone. We are one prayer away from peace of mind.

Here I go again!

Well, I tried to live my life without blogging. I started doing facebook and I do like it, but I just can't fit everything in that I want to say. Sure, some days I have nothing to say but that is not the norm. The things that I say aren't soul searching, witty, or enlightening, but I enjoy getting things out of my system. My blog is my way of getting things off of my chest, working my problems out when I feel like I am all alone, and a place to share the joy in my life. So if you would like to follow me on my journey of blogging, pull up a chair, grab a cup of your favorite drink, a few cookies and I hope that you enjoy a glimpse into my corner of the world.

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