Pain

I wonder if there will ever be a day that I don't think about Michaels heart attack? Feel the pain that I felt those days. The terror of losing my soul mate. Sometimes it's so hard to breathe, like right now. I have to keep it all in because I don't want to tell him, for fear of upsetting him. I have to keep the tears to myself because of the kids. There are moments like right now that I just want to scream and cry because I think that it will take some of the pain away. I can't stand the thought of waking up alone. Not having someone to talk to that understands me. Someone to make me smile when nothing else will. Someone to hold me when I am feeling alone. Go outside and just sit because that makes me happy. Will this ever get any better?

Worry no more!

I'm sitting on my couch, my babies are asleep, my house is cozy and warm, food in my kitchen, wood waiting for the fireplace, and no worries. I mean sure, there are things that I could be worried over. But, I have learned that it only hurts myself and my family if I allow worries to invade me. Now, I'm not talking about things that are out of the ordinary, such as when Abraham had his surgery. I am human and a mommy so of course I am going to worry over things. I am talking about worrying about the state of the world, our countries economy, etc. Things that are out of my control. I guess even to the point of I refuse to worry about if Michael ends up losing his job. We have been married for 15 years now and have been blessed for many more. When we, as the woman of the house, allow ourselves to worry, we cause inner turmoil. As much as we may try to hide it, eventually, worry has its way of creeping out of us into other things. Our kids pick up on our moods more than we realize, no matter what their ages are. So,we are creating a future generation of worriers. If we worry too much, it will cause marital strife because alot of men don't worry about things the same way that us women do. I used to believe that they were just ridiculous by being that way. Over the years though, I have come to realize that me worrying more does nothing to help the situation. There is only one thing that will help us. Talking about it. Now, there are times that you want to talk to your husband, or maybe even a girlfriend. I have done that many times myself. If we would just talk to the Lord about it, and leave our worries at his feet, can you imagine how much better we would be? Not only would it relieve our hearts and minds, but it would also strengthen our relationship with our Lord. So, the next time that troubles have you down, sit down and have a good long talk with someone who listens to us and understands us better than we understand ourselves. It may just work!

Updates

Ok, first I would like to thank you for your comment on my last post C. The teacher never said anything and it was just dropped. Alyssa is a popular kid, but there are a few kids she cannot get along with. I guess that she just finally had her fill of it and stood up for herself. I am so proud of her for doing so and made sure she knew it. Thank you for giving me your opinion, sometimes it is nice to hear other moms thoughts on things!

I have been sick for a few days and went to the doctor. While I was there, I finally told her about other problems that have been going on and I have quite a few tests coming up. They took 6 vials of blood while I was there. I will just trust that it will all turn out ok and try not to worry.

Abraham will finally be going to school tomorrow! We have a ton of makeup wowork to get done today, so I am dreading that. I'm hoping that getting his tonsils out will help his overall health. We shall see.

That is about all for now so until next time, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars!